he seems to be and is
l would like some criticisms and viewpoints please!! thank oo. l actually
posted this a while ago, but l just went through it and fixed it up a bit.
enjoi!! He seems to be and is He dresses in
every hue of blue with his pair of thinning jeans he is the
boy
constantly flicking his ebony hair out of those
/>gorgeously enticing blue eyes which dance whith his inviting smile the smile that lingers in the corners of your memory like the remnants of a breeze you do not always notice him with his gentle nature as he slips through the back gate he slides up behind you as your shifting through long lost memories entranced by your avid gazing into nothingness but i the strange girl in a stranger is world have peered beneath this simple apparition of a lost adolesence and seen the saving grace which radiates within
You have a good flow here. I think you may want to think about
what you write in the ''but I'' section. It feels a little unclear to me.
It probably needs to be a bit longer of a revelation, or a little clearer.
The other thing to look at is ur line breaks. Your line breaks should in
general be causing the reader to ask (who, what, why, where, when, how).
They should compel them to move to the next line. When you finish each
distinct thought at the end of a line it gets a bit predictable. I am not saying do line breaks to be random, but do them to provide impetus. I will put a link below for a good article on this for you to check out. It looks like a fairly smooth draft to me. Not my general topic of choice, but I like some of things you're doing here. Take care.
nice one ..good flow.good selection of words.liked it
Hello allena s.
He seems to be , early stages.
''Is comes later when you have gotten to know him for quite a long time.
You have written it beautifully from your emotion.
When the emotion subsides a bit, then will you still be able to say
''And is?.
It is a heart warming poem. Take care!
Great word choice. It has a decent flow. but it is a little
hollow.
WOW. i thought that was brilliant!!!! nice choice of words!
that could be the beginning of a love story.
Cracker Barrel Gift Card gap.com free shipping codes
5 posts
• Page 1 of 1
have you seen this- sims 2 custom content Can I sue my gated apartment community if my car is stolen Is ,'One scar in a day', enough? Dreamt of Giant Earthworm transform into Pink Cobra means Where to find a walk through baby gate that's NOT pressure mounted What are some lies a sibling told you or you told a sibling? should i move my horse to the other pasture I need some opinions/constructive criticism Question about the mid 90s sci fi show "Sliders" Puppy was born in a barn and now pees EVERYWHERE. Anyone know any tips Behavior and chewing I need help fast with children being taken away not from me but from their mom. Why is my dog not understanding potty training? lego batman xbox 360 help Who is onlineUsers browsing this forum: 4 guests |